


Go Ask Alice

by Sanalith



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen, Insanity, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-04 23:18:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanalith/pseuds/Sanalith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for an Easter prompt at OnceUponaLand on Livejournal. A Storybrooke character had to be the Easter Bunny. It was supposed to induce crack, but this came out instead. My very first non-Rumbelle OUaT fic. I may have discovered a new friend in Jefferson...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go Ask Alice

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane. I'm in love with the fact that it seems as though Jefferson was named for this group, especially considering his daughter's name (Grace) corresponds with the lead singer of the band, Grace Slick.

_And if you go chasing rabbits  
And you know you're going to fall  
Tell them a hookah smoking caterpillar   
Has given you the call  
Call Alice  
When she was just small_

Jefferson didn’t go into Storybrooke often. The main reason was very simple: Avoid Regina. He knew she had no idea he still possessed his memories, and he was equally certain he’d never be able to fake it. Plus, the very sight of her made him rage. After all she’d done to him and his daughter, he honestly didn’t trust himself not to just put a bullet in her brain, and it wasn’t his place to slay her.

That honor belonged to another.

He also didn’t go into town because he couldn’t be bothered to deal with the whispers that followed him. Crazy, weird, mad…he’d heard all the labels before. Often it made him want to throw back his head and laugh (which would just feed fuel to the fire) but he couldn’t help himself. Yes, he was mad, but madness brought clarity, if one bothered to look.

Even after 25 years, the taint of Wonderland’s insanity stuck to him like flypaper. To this day, he couldn’t even look at a deck of cards without shuddering, and he flatly refused to touch mushrooms, much less eat them. In fact, he insisted on cooking all his meals himself, just to make sure no random ingredients snuck in. And while he was a self-proclaimed lover of animals, he avoided caterpillars and white rabbits like the plague.

Which made things extremely difficult when he accidently chose Easter Sunday for his monthly grocery shopping day in town.

It was true he often lost track of time, holed up as he was in his mansion, but he generally noticed big events like holidays, if for no other reason than he liked to watch Grace ( _Paige!_ ) celebrate. Apparently, he’d missed any egg coloring or basket hunting festivities.

It was an annoying mistake, but at least he assumed the shops would be fairly empty. He could run in, grab his groceries, and run out without hassle. No staring, no whispers, no pointed fingers. Easy.

Such was not the case.

Jefferson parked his car along a side street and headed for the market, keeping his head bowed so as not to attract attention, but the joyous cries of children touched his ears. He hesitated, knowing they were coming from the town square. He should just get on with his errand, but Grace ( _Paige!_ ) might be there, and he could never pass up an opportunity to see her. Reluctantly, he followed the sound of the voices…

…and felt his breath freeze in his throat.

In the town square, surrounded by excited children, was a life-sized white rabbit, complete with vest, top hat and pocket watch.

The madness seldom took control anymore, but when it did, Jefferson was helpless in its grasp. He was back in Wonderland, hats as far as the eye could see, food that made him grow, drinks that made him shrink, a queen shrouded in red and black lace and a white rabbit summoning him to her throne room with an axe hovering over his neck….

Jefferson squeezed his eyes shut. _Not real, not real, not real!_ This was a pretend rabbit, entertainment for children, a hippity-hoppity bunny that brought colored eggs and chocolate, not fear and death. But the rabbit still danced in his mind and his throat ached as he felt cold steel slicing through it.

How long he stood there, he couldn’t stay. It could have been minutes or hours. But finally, the white rabbit waved to the children and walked off behind another building. As if in a dream, Jefferson followed it, his eyes unblinking. And there was Snow White ( _Mary Margaret!_ ) waiting for the rabbit, reaching up to fiddle with straps around the neck, the heading coming down, down down - _OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!_

Jefferson bit back a silent scream.

And then the head was off and Archie Hopper was shaking hair out of his eyes, laughing and smiling, covered in sweat from the heavy costume, and it _was_ a fake rabbit, false, a deception. A cricket pretending to be a man pretending to be a rabbit. He and the princess whispered to one another, happiness clear in their faces.  
Jefferson backed away slowly, not wanting to be spotted. He forced himself to go through the motions of buying food. He drove back to his house in a daze, barely seeing the road in front of him.

It was a fake rabbit. A fraud. The Easter Bunny Cricket Man Costume. But Jefferson couldn’t seem to stop shaking, and he dreamt of darkness that night.


End file.
